I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been stuck in an awkward conversation. Come on, remember that time when you were left alone with Jamie’s friend’s cousin’s mate, Rob, the I.T guy with no social skills... or the chatty annoying girl who just won’t shut up about her new conditioner!
Here are some tips to free yourself from these unpleasant conversations.
1 - Sorry I need to go to the bathroom...
Classic but efficicient, fake a loo break to free yourself from your interlocutor.
2 - Sorry I need to take this...
Pretend your phone is ringing or you got a text message.
The text message is the best option if the person cannot see your screen (beware of mirrors and windows, bloody reflections will get you caught). Also, if you pretend someone is calling you, and your phone starts ringing, because someone is genuienly trying to reach you, say it’s your alarm & walk away as fast as you can.
3 - Have a coughing fit...
You are coughing, shoking, you need a breether, escape from the situation, you just coughed away your get out of jail free card.
4 - Pretend to be foreign...
This will only work if you use this technique in the first few seconds of the encounter. You need to pretend you are a foreign and that you do not understand with they are saying. Personnaly, I’ve played the foreign card a few times, I went for Ecuadorian, as it’s not a very popular country to visit. If people haven’t been, I can’t get it wrong.
5 - Hydrate yourself
Finish your drink as fast as humanely possible and excuse yourself to go to the bar. Don’t ask them if they want something else otherwise this mean you’ll have spend more cash only to end up in the same old sticky situation. If you can’t bare being rude, grab him/her a drink at the bar and pick someone else there to bring back with you. Suffrance is better as a group, trust me!
6 - My boyfriend’s back
If the situation is unpleasant because he’s hitting on you, pretend your boyfriend’s back... there... overthere... ah yes you are waving to a poll but only you know that so it’s Aokay.
7 - Creep him/her out
If you can’t get away maybe he/her can. Try to be as weird as possible, tell them about your multiple STDs, your failed marriage to a pillow (yes that is inspired by a fact, a man once married a pillow), your dog’s barthmitzva, your passion for fossets... if that doesn’t weird him out, RUN! He/Her thinks you’re weird already so it won’t come as a shock
8 - Walk away
That’s it, just leave, keep walking and never look back.
9 - Sorry I’m late...
You’re late, so late for: dinner, a friend’s catch up, a bus, an appointment (anything really, hair, wax, teeth you name it).
10 - Sorry I’m not feeling very well...
Just let them know you are not feeling very well, you’re ill! Maybe that shellfish wasn’t very fresh? Maybe it’s your period? If he’s a guy he won’t ask you any questions, especially if you’re excuse is menstruation.